The Only Thing I Have Left
I drink like a "man"- fast, and often. I don’t smoke, snort, or shoot. It’s the only thing I have left that makes me feel normal. I am currently withdrawing from a xanax addiction that has spanned the majority of my memory- at least 5 times a day for the last 4 years- secretive and with alcohol, whenever possible.
I panic often, and if anyone asks, I’m just restless. I want to be loose, funny, and memorable. But lately, i just feel like a real life blow up doll for men who are sexually deprived (not to mention depraved). I drive- far distances- to feel needed. But in reality, i’m just the thing to suck them off so they don’t have to pleasure themselves for the night. Most of my nights begin with incoming texts that start with “hey- haven’t talked in a while- you busy tonight?”. I constantly respond “sure- i’ll bring beer”.